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Friday, January 31, 2014



Visit daddy and his side of family today, I'm so thrilled by the idea that next time during the lunar new year, there would be another 2 people joining us for house visiting. I had a 1 minute video call session with my step-mum today, I saw her eyes light up when she saw me. It was a good feeling. Daddy told me she is about a month pregnant now, I'm really excited and I hope the crucial three months wouldn't be too difficult to deal with. I kinda like my step-mum, not the kind of love I share with my own mother, but the kind of love that exist between family. I hope I can pop by my dad's somewhere in March to get to know more about my step-mum prolly keep her company cuz it is really demanding for pregnant women to step out of house and she would be really bored. My dad talks about my step-mum in this little smile, and I like it. I hope he can be a greater father to my little sibling, because I'm so old now and if I ever needed love, I can just pretend to be upset and *tadah* wild honwee appears. Ok not wild. Was thinking about pokemon.  

My dad's mum/grandma (I forgot, oops) held my hand today when I bid goodbye. Her hand was weak and wrinkly, but warm and familiar. It felt so long since I had any physical contact with my family. I forgot how much I love that. 

Little human, whose gender I have no knowledge of yet, please hold my hand because I really want to hold yours too. 


I'm a sister

ImageI tried writing and re-writing this piece of incredible news, but I have no clue on how to make the delivery perfect. A few days ago, my dad called and announce that he is remarrying, and I'm going to be a sister. It was magic. At that very moment, I was overwhelmed with joy and demanded pictures of my new step-mum. I couldn't focus and do anything afterwards.

I'm going to be a big sister! I'm not even sure if this joy is possible. I talked to my mum about it, and she said "amazing ain't it, there will be somebody on Earth that looks exactly like you". I've daddy's eyes, I hope the little human has them too! I cannot wait to hug the little one and tell him/her stories. Bring him/her to USS/Adventure Cove/zoo!! Want to hug the little one and tell him/her why he/she is the best thing that ever happened to me. Can't wait to splurge all my money on smiggle to surprise the little human. Hello little human, right now you're around one month in your mummy's tummy, and if you ever got to jiejie's wordpress one day (so orh piang by then right, but yes your jiejie has her diary on the internet) know that I love you.

I always knew that my family is a little special, and I hope this world will treat my little baby brother/sister entirely different. May food be readily available, may parents be inseparable, may you little cutie pie not be deprived of anything. Jiejie will work really really hard and be there for you. I might not live in a house with daddy and your mum, but I'll visit you often ok. I'm appointed sissy nanny, approved by daddy, although my mummy think I might be more a burden than help. BUT I DO NOT CARE. I'll be a part of your life. :)


Spending first day of the lunar new year alone with Cocoa tonight because my mum has a date (awww), everything is going so well for my family members, I'M SO HAPPPPPPY. :) My life as oh now feels perfect. Thank you, universe.
Saturday, January 25, 2014
Going through the i-hate-poly phase once again. I hate projects so much, I hate spending all my hours engaging people, it's so energy draining. BUT YOU KNOW WHAT I HATE MOST, I hate spoon-feeding. I hate it when people don't know something and they come to me and ask me "how ah?", I love my friends, I love every one of them, I just hate nannying. Because when people ask me something, I feel very obligated to find out for them, to type out the solution in word document neatly with heading and footer for them. IT IS SO EXHAUSTING? I hate doing research on something you should have done it yourself, maybe you can email the teacher? Or speak to somebody that has a better understanding of the subject? Because the last time I check my GPA is merely a 3.6 I'm definitely no better than you.

and I hate being a 'leader' of any sort, I don't want to lead team, class, or group. I love following because I have almost zero stand at all. I'd like to lead peaceful life by the stream so for the love for Christ just find out yourselfffff. I STILL LOVE YOU, BUT CAN YOU UGH, GO FIND OUT ON YOUR OWNZXS OR ASK THE GROUP IN GENERAL?!?!?

Seven things about Cocoa


As title suggest, here are seven strange things that Cocoa does:

  1. Snoring. My dog snores, and very (un)fortunately my mum is an extremely light sleeper. Every night is a battle for the both of them because we all sleep in such close proximity. I do not have any issue sleeping with noise (so long they are not from the renovation next door), so I find it wildly amusing when Cocoa accidentally annoys mummy with her snoring. When you hear "SHUT UP COCOA" you know its 10 points to Cocoa!

  2. She flops. Unlike all normal healthy dog, my dog is lazy beyond her bones. Cocoa makes no effort in settling her ass on to firm ground before sprawling all over the place. She flops, belly first. 

  3. Wiggle dance. Every morning when Cocoa wakes, she would go to the kitchen rag, lay her back on it and wiggle. Adorable sight!

  4. To entertain my need to be love, Cocoa developed a skill I call 'kissing on command'.

  5. I secretly bring furbz up the bed whenever my mum is home late, or not around. Cocoa would normally choose to sleep next to me as I curl her up, not only that she would choose this particular position making sure that her butt is right in my face.

  6. For Cocoa, the best part about going out is going home! She gets excited going out but, she is even more excited going home!

  7. Whenever we head out for a jog, I need to slow down so that she could catch up! Honwee finds it funny that the dog lags behind because normally dogs out run their owners. This is mostly my fault because I seldom bring Cocoa, so when we actually do, she'll be exhausted to bones even before we reach the park.

There is a lot more,
but I don't want it to be too lengthy for you all, sooooozxs see you all again!

Thus far,

Thursday, January 23, 2014

Image(Thank you, Vanessa, for being my model. I mentioned you now, didn't I?)

Wednesday was lovely, it was almost like bring-your-bf-to-school day, but I brought him home and we spent some time with mummy too. I like spending my entire day with Honwee, I feel like a tatt. I hope he likes it too.

Today ideally marks the last day spent immersed in the simple pleasure of idling around. Note that I typed 'idling', not 'wasting my time' bcuz...... I'm not really wasting it, I got myself two new books to add to my already full shelf. There is a difference between wasting time and taking a break. Not that I am in need of any, just thought I deserve to a few good reads during the holiday.

Also, I had one of the simplest yet heart warming time with the girls in my class today.
we sat around our tables and were talking about first impressions. I love how some of us are so friggin' judgemental. Like srsly bitch, how can you think of me that way? Then again, when I revealed my impressions everyone was so angry, in a happy way of course. Lovevin said she thought I was proud and arrogant, and to be really honest, I kind of already knew that. You see, when she first talked to me, I got really nervous and slipped into the talking-machine mode, and wanting very much to please her I started going on about me, myself and I. I went home thinking "damn, why couldn't you just shut the gap up".

It was mostly fun and entertaining, especially when they revealed how they all thought that I was from China, trying too hard by naming myself 'Crystal'. It was hilarious! "I thought you trying to act one high class by calling yourself 'Crystal'!!" - Yexin. Yes, however pretentious, Crystal IS my real name, it is in my birth certificate. My aunt named me that.

Time is unforgiving, we merely have three more weeks to annoy each other before we go on our separate ways, to make new friends, new experiences, and new problems. To make things worst, the time I took to type this entry is the only time I have on hand to reminisce, because as I speak, time is taken away from me to make sure I get a grade worthy enough to choose my electives next academic year. Many times I wished things doesn't have to be like this, but I'm too in love with the idea of meritocracy to change any of that now.

It's getting kind of late,
Goodnight lovely one. (:

Tuesday, January 21, 2014


How do I breathe?
Sunday, January 19, 2014

Sometimes H hugs me and smells my hair. How precious that is.

Daddy's wise words

Tuesday, January 14, 2014


I only have 6 weeks to compensate whatever damages I've caused upon myself last semester. It either all or nothing right? Won't be seeing loverboy for a bit here and there, but I'll make it worth every second. I see school in a whole new light, and am beginning to fall back in love with the solitude. It's O's all over again, and strangely, I'm loving it. Come up with something more thoughtful someday. For now, have a great week ahead!

of approval and acceptance

Sunday, January 12, 2014
"She frowns just like you",
"That's not frowning, she's is just resting",
"She is".

Perspective is not a new word to me but it's definition still trips me every day. Is it because I'm still seeking approval and acceptance from friends I don't even need? Because I still believe and trust that if I love somebody, they are bound to love me back? Perhaps.

H reminded me that I already have friends that I can rely on, and some people are merely acquaintance. I was very comforted by that. I still love people that I hang out with everyday. Ok, maybe just like, not love. However, I think its time to stop putting so much effort into pleasing people. I am not a horrible person, that I'm sure of, and I do not feel the need to justify myself of that anymore.

Questions I wished you all asked me

Saturday, January 11, 2014

What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with?
- You might/ might not already know this. MY ASS IS HUGE. I appreciate the extra cushioning but.. it has to go, SOON. 

Are you easy to get along with?
- No. Not at all, sometimes I go through this phrase whereby I don't want to talk to anybody, I just want to be alone. Then I get mad. Then I keep quiet. I wish I came along with a "WARNING" sign. 

What do you say during awkward silences?
- Awkward silences drive me into this insane mode whereby I get really nervous and I'll start talking about myself; non-stop. 

Ever wished you were someone else?
- Wished I was a celeb, or prolly someone rich. 

Tell us the story of your first kiss?
- We got in a lift at a random block, I forgot what for, we were playing hide-and-seek with somebody I think????? We hid at this level for a really long time. It was warm and stuffy, so he told me "let's go back down". With my insane courage, I looked him right in the eyes and told him "not until you kissed me". LOL then it happened. 

Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt?
- So much that it became really unhealthy. I cried when he leaves me for an hour. LOL. I can't even... aiya whatever. 

Favourite book?
- Confession of a Fallen Angel. HANDS DOWN, it's romance + horror, more horror, romance was short and good, but horror was... electrifying. 

Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page?
- At least Lib is exactly who he appears to be.

Do you like it when people play with your hair?
- Yes, please. I used to have this guy friend who plays with my hair, he even thank me for allowing that. I kept quiet and let him live on the false impression that I'm doing him a favour when actually..... "pls go on, play with my hair" LOL 

One of your biggest pet peeve
- I AM VERY PARTICULAR ABOUT WHO PATS MY HEAD. I get all jumpy when people, of opposite sex especially, pats my head. H used to pat my head when we were just friends and I think I kind of yelled at him. Ok, maybe not, I just told him off and told him he can NEVER EVER TOUCH MY HEAD. I think I might have developed this weird pet peeve after my parents got a divorce and my father was no longer around often to pat my head, so whenever somebody of an opposite sex pats my head I get this weird attachment to that person for awhile. Sometimes just 5 seconds, sometimes 5 minutes. So unless you are H, my father, or my best friend. Get your hands off my head.  

This too shall pass

Friday, January 10, 2014

shot by Thyago Rodrigues

"I'm never enough", she exhausted
"but they will love me now".

She closed her eyes once more,
and vowed to never get up.

Going through this phrase of wanting to be alone; enjoying solitude. Particularly feel-y and perhaps a little more sensitive? Whatever it is, I guess the week is very much over. I cried for the first time this year over the movie 'The Notebook', and promised myself to only cry when I lost somebody, or when I watch movies like 'The Notebook'. I don't want my tears to be cheap, it has got to be like Severus Snape's, 'em bitch better bottle it up. It is a very sad kind of Friday, it is so gloomy and cold. I wish Honwee was here, but he is out with his buddies. I kind of want to do my work, but my head is hurting from what H would say "lacking of water".

I guess tonight, I'll just be laying on my cold, cold floor.
And remind myself that, "this too shall pass".


Wednesday, January 8, 2014
I woke up this morng excitably bobbing up and down. I was cocksure that H would celebrate my birthday for me because I was so shamelessly blatant about wanting H to bring me out to eat or let me go lan-gamming for 5 hrs.

However bf, or should I now call 'secretive H' wanted to keep my dinner destination a surprise, so I didn't know what I was going to do for my birthday. I tried bugged him the entire day, it didn't work. "Habitat Coffee or Grub?!" The oscar actor replied "OMG STOP GUESSING!!!". As if my guesses were anywhere near the answer. After school H brought me to a bus-stop and insisted I be blindfolded. SO I DID AS TOLD, and whole-heartedly trusted him when he led me off the bus, around buildings, up stairs etc.

Turns out that he gathered all my friends at Natty's place to celebrate my birthday :')

I NEVER HAD A CELEBRATION, LET ALONE A SURPRISE PARTY. I was so touched, still am. I didn't cry tho, because I'm pretty sure  I just stood there stunned while everybody assisted me in making my wish, blowing out the candles and handing me food. I'm ovah da moonz guise, if you ever read my wordpress, please know that I'm really thankful you all took time off your busy schedules (especially now so since its project submission periods in our respective schools) to come and keep me company.


And thanks beeb.................
for EVERYTHING even the things that I casually mentioned like "buy me a tiara ok"... I'm so surprised by the degree of knowledge you have about me. AND THAT CAKE. I still cannot believe you made it from scratch. You make this grumpy women the happiest every single day. I am really glad that you are my boyfriend, I want to bury my face under your armpit and take a nap right now. Thx4daPDA, cuz ze happiness is reflected right on my face in the picture.


I came home to Cocoa looking very grumpy, I realised I left her alone at home the whole day.Image

So cute even when angry. Thanks for the lovely evening, altho its taking a toll on me :< struggling to complete project right now!! :( meanwhile, have a great mid-week!!
Monday, January 6, 2014

FImageCocoa sat in that position for a long time, I love it, I love how it felt. Her trust in me makes me over-protective of her. I would look at my mum when she is making Cocoa breakfast and think, "that's not how you do it". It's an amazing feeling to care for another without wanting anything in return. I guess that's what H does all the time. 

School is formally starting tomorrow, I am really dreading it now.

Typed a whole piece of junk and deleted it because it is going to be an amazing year. Goodnight. C. 


Sunday, January 5, 2014

"You are never alone. And when you do feel that you're all alone, know that my hand is already holding yours."

Another year

Saturday, January 4, 2014

ImageI made mac and cheese for loverboy today. It tasted like margarine, I did not really liked it. H finished it clean tho, he says it is "not bad", $50 says he is saying that to make me happy. I like today. I took a 2 hours cat nap, H says "I fell asleep beside you, when I woke up, you're still sleeping". But I cannot help it, I feel so safe with H around the house and it rained. Oh yes, it rained, it was strong winds and heavy downpour one moment, and sunny and warm the other. It is too confusing for my body to adapt, so I slept. I have a lot of things to do like drawing (again), reading and probably eating. I choose not to be bothered about projects and whatnot, for now. I'm going to wiggle back into bed now because it is a long day tomorrow, and I get to see my friends again, cheers to that. C 


Thursday, January 2, 2014


2013 was greatness in its simplest form. When I got home from the countdown gathering, I rushed straight for my 'Happiness Jar' and poured everything out on the table.  There were many material-ish thingy like "got the new iphone5" and shit, but then there was this little piece that read "Hon wee asked me to be his gf", I really liked that feeling I got when I read it. Ah, it was such a fascinating year despite the lack of activity. 

I have yet to come up with the new year resolution, but I had a heart-to-heart talk with H. We figured that I don't have much friends because I'm easily irritable, and that I'm pretty terrifying with annoyed. There and then I decided to stop trying. It was like forcing lil furbz to befriend another dog when the fact is Cocoa loves the company her human beings rather than another furry friend. It is ok. It took me awhile, but I've accepted that for the rest of Cocoa's life, I don't get to bring her to the dog park and mingle with other cute furbz. Cocoa doesn't have to be a replica of another friendly dog, and I don't have to be a replica of another human being.