Attachment

"You still do not have any friends?" 

 

I don't know why when it comes out from other people's mouth it sounds pitiful, almost like a plague. Firstly, I treasure solitude, I do not think this piece of news is any new to you. Secondly, I choose not to invest my attachment on anybody too easily. On this little globe we live on, I only put my attachment towards 2 souls. Honwee and Cocoa. Not so much for my parents, it doesn't mean I love them any lesser, I just prefer my parents to both live their life and not be tied down to me. Re-marry, have kids, whatever, I'll still be a part of you. They know and understand that. I have friends I adore, friends like Bee and QL but I'm not attached to both of them. 

Attachment to me is being involved in another person's life, attached literally like a tattoo. I want to watch my best friend fall in love, marry, have kids, be successful. Like how I wish I can capture every moment with H and Cocoa because all is too precious. How fatigue lifts off the spark in H's eyes, and how peacefully Cocoa breathes during her sleep. I give my all to people whom I am attached to, so much so that somebody actually said "Crystal is the kind of friend that requires a lot of attention". I do not think that it is a bad thing because I tend to reciprocate people's action. 

Feelings are really messy things, I'm glad I have it all sorted out with H.

 

I guess I'll find somebody that makes all this sorting worth it soon. And when that happens, know that she is somebody so, so special.      

 

HAPPY SIXTH BIRTHDAY YOU LIL BADASS PIECE OF FLUFF CLOUD. I so frickin' love you, your ass and all the little shit you do to get me into trouble. 

It has been such a wonderful experience to be the owner of this particular running piece of marshmallow. I've received greatly the value of love and responsibility. Sometimes I feed furbz really late in the day, but she would still allow me the authority when I need her to heel. I hoped furbz had great day at H's playing with his sis, grandma and dad.

 

 

You bring joy to the world, and peace to my heart.
If only you can read all these.  

Walao eh

 

I don't know why I'm faced with this level of difficulty going through my things again. So annoyed with how I am clueless about everything. I know when I sit for an exam, it would be a breeze. Almost too easy I would say, whether or not I know my stuff because I'm so good at crapping. But argh, this feeling of incompetence is officially second after my last break-up.

So crazily frustrated. HOWEVER, I'M STILL GONNA MUG ON, 'cuz GPA is forever. Damn, that was such a good sentence. Kudos to whoever that came up with that.

 

P/S: I seldom speak in hokkien, so I kept laughing when I type "walao eh" as the entry title. like LOL.

 

Haven't seen myself so empty.
(maybe we're I'm trying, trying too hard)

 

I truly wonder, 
is it worth it all? 





P/s: Just in case you're really concern, entire type up there has nothing to do with H and I. We're fine and still really happy together. 

Same old place

I guess Friday was a pretty eventful day.
H and I spent our first Valentines Day as a couple this year. Really interesting how last year we went out to eat as friends and didn't really bother about not having anybody to date on Valentines.

I suggested (a week ago) we bring our favourite food, to our favourite park and just snack all day because food was what really brought us together in the first place anyway. However I got really anxious as the day got nearer. I heard from H and my friends that most couples dress up, go to a restaurant and catch a movie during Valentines Day, I was so convinced that I might have ruined such a 'perfect' date by suggesting to go to the park and feed those little mozzies.



Meh. I was right. When I saw H and ALL OF MY FAVOURITE FOOD I knew it was the BEST Valentines, anyone can ever have. From my favourite seafood, to bakkwa, to sushi and my fav Esprit drink............ I am in love. Almost too happy to function. 





honwee is such a sweet boyfriend :') I think he is the first boyfriend that knew who I really am, how I dislike receiving flowers and how I would rather just eat, eat and eat, and watch crappy movies that induce us to sleep, and eat again. And when I mentioned about being worried that Valentines wouldn't be 'perfect', he told me not to worry and that "everyday is Valentines day". H doesn't speak much, he doesn't tell me "I love you" everyday. In fact, he ALWAYS say the wrong thing and the wrong time haha, but this sentence he got right. Had one of the best day in my life, I'm truly blessed and happy. Thank you, Universe.

Pre V-day

Yay, I made it (with the help of a lot people like Beeb himself, his sister, and Natasha's mother), my very own Rocher cupcake! I'm really glad that it turned out not-too-bad, and really thankful for Natasha and bf's family for opening up their kitchen for me to bake my little cupcakes. I spent a bomb (probably S$100) on these little cupcakes because I didn't have most of the baking materials and one of their main ingredient was Ferrero Rocher. Nevertheless, I had a lot of fun. Big thank-you to H, H's sister and Natasha for helping out / keeping me entertained.

Although it was kind of suppose to be for Honwee but he ended up helping me to do most of my baking. Anyhow, I gave Honwee the nicest cupcake and demanded him to take a picture with it.



LONG DAY TMRW! :) SEE YOU ALL AGAIN.

Parade

They called this '马上发财‘, I can't... CHINESE PUNS ARE SO UNDER-RATED. 

 

I love how people in the background are taking pictures of the parade and here we are... selfie-ing. AND MY NOSE LOOKS AS SHARP AS NATASHA'S. 

 

H was in high sprits yesterday
which made it really entertaining to photograph him. 

 

 

SO CUTE. SORRY I KNOW IM LACKING OF PHOTOSHOP SKILLS. But he is so smiley, I like!! It was a really good break, going back to the books tonight! Thanks bweeb for such an enjoyable daaay. To many more month-stones to come! 

Back

 

I felt that I was in better shape x condition this semester, dealing with the projects and the pressure to perform and keep up with my work. However I'm still pretty thrown off my game this hectic week. I think I got mad at Honwee several times a week (sorry beeb). I'm really thankful that I need not deal with people for the rest of the semester, I'll literally be attending school just for the sake of learning. Honwee is still attempting to get me out and mingle and make new friends, but I guess it wouldn't be too soon cuz I just re-opened some wounds tonight. It's like bumping into your ex after a nasty break-up. 

 

Above picture to let you know that I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing. 
OH WELL, I guess I'm ready for the intense mugging session..... after Chingay tomorrow night (beeb's mum got us a pair of tix!).

 

More 'step-artsy' pictures x drawings after finals!  
FOR NOW, gong xi fa cai!! 

Culture

Honwee brought me back home today. His really nice parents brought us all out to have lunch together at a restaurant. It was really pleasant, I haven't had a meal with a family for years. I couldn't stop smiling because they had little jokes here and there, it was never really quiet. I crave that kind of warmth again.

I brought Honwee home too, I even brought him to meet my grandparents. Honwee liked my grandfather because my NGF (naughty grandfather, he refer himself as that) was constantly teasing me. And he has happy vibe. I love my family. My parents, my grandparents even the relatives that stopped asking me to visit them. I do not know exactly what happened between the adults, or why is my mum so isolated. But I know there might be something to do with me. And even though I love them to bits, I dislike the culture.

Why is everybody so calculative? I told Honwee that I can recognise which angpow was from whom because I was trained to. I'll religiously report to my mum "this one is from yiyi, got $4 " (imagine a 5 year old kid say that). The next lunar new year, my mum will then prepare the exact amount that the person gave me. I don't think my mum was wrong, I think somebody taught her that, and it goes on. Like this sickening culture I am in. Honwee told me there is no such thing within his family, new year is all about waiting for food.

My grandfather is the second person to tell me that my sibling might hinder my way to university. And I srsly hate that piece of shit information. I love my sibling so don't tell me I can't go to university cuz my father wouldn't be able to pay, I'LL WORK MY WAY THROUGH IF I HAVE TO. End of story. No worries lil one. I love you, even if the whole world expects otherwise.

I wish, as of now, I'll have better judgement, to have better morals and culture. I'll leave this pathetic way of life, as of right now. I don't need abundance, I only need 'just right'.