"You still do not have any friends?"
I don't know why when it comes out from other people's mouth it sounds pitiful, almost like a plague. Firstly, I treasure solitude, I do not think this piece of news is any new to you. Secondly, I choose not to invest my attachment on anybody too easily. On this little globe we live on, I only put my attachment towards 2 souls. Honwee and Cocoa. Not so much for my parents, it doesn't mean I love them any lesser, I just prefer my parents to both live their life and not be tied down to me. Re-marry, have kids, whatever, I'll still be a part of you. They know and understand that. I have friends I adore, friends like Bee and QL but I'm not attached to both of them.
Attachment to me is being involved in another person's life, attached literally like a tattoo. I want to watch my best friend fall in love, marry, have kids, be successful. Like how I wish I can capture every moment with H and Cocoa because all is too precious. How fatigue lifts off the spark in H's eyes, and how peacefully Cocoa breathes during her sleep. I give my all to people whom I am attached to, so much so that somebody actually said "Crystal is the kind of friend that requires a lot of attention". I do not think that it is a bad thing because I tend to reciprocate people's action.
Feelings are really messy things, I'm glad I have it all sorted out with H.
I guess I'll find somebody that makes all this sorting worth it soon. And when that happens, know that she is somebody so, so special.