His face changed when he saw my search history,
I don't think he expect me to seek death.
I didn't die in the end,
but I don't think it mattered.
He looked back at me and smiled like he didn't read it.
I hate it.
I hate how he avoid things,
I wished he told me how much it hurt him,
that it wasn't fair for him if I die.
No, he is the 'perfect' boyfriend,
he never gets angry.
So he brought me out under the sun,
hoping it remedies whatever that is broken inside me.
I haven't had so much fun in weeks,
but I am still me, nothing was fixed.
I learnt in psychology that people always return to this fixed degree of happiness.
I think mine is permanently below par.
Do you think it is unfair for me to cling on to Honwee for dear life when I'm in this state of uncertainty.
If I die tomorrow, it will not be anybody's fault but mine.
It is not fair to him.