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Actually NYP looks really creepy at night. Their walk ways look like a set for a horror film, but those were the days when H and I are eating off cheap McD's. Twas such good times! After submission week(s), I will go straight into mugging. I certainly do hope that I survive this round of studying since nothing is going in my head right now. Very nice of you to still be here reading this. Unless you are Honwee. Honwee is obligated to read this shit. #mybfhasashittyjob

Sight

Because you are so good with kids,

Self-declared

Self-declared stay-home Monday. I guess I will never truly know what happened in Investment Lecture today, but a break is good for the brains. Since I am home, I shall make the best out of my comfort zone. Full steam ahead!

Twenty five dollars worth

They did not want to waste my time, I could tell. Everything was done with such haste, such hurry. "You're done", I always thought that you can only fail once. If you do fail more than once, then I so believe that you are simply not ready.

I looked for the slightest hint of answer on her face, and there was none. "Aiya its okay", she breathed, escorting me to where I should be. I could see how everything was wrong - the shoes, the wait, the walk. I guess it truly is okay.

My teacher called me to give me my feedback on the assessment I recently did. I did not feel that the assessment went well, in fact, it was horrible. My answers were hanging and I could still feel tension creeping slowly from my back. "Thank you, Crystal" I keep replaying it until somebody spoke to me.

"Hello Crystal!" I did good. She told me I did good, apart from the weak introduction and minor attire issues, I faired reasonably. I guess that will be what is going to help me sleep at night.

Three

I am only as human as you are. There are things that truly terrifies me - pursuing your dreams, standing up for your rights and staying true to yourself. Simple as it may sound, I only know of one such person that can achieve these three 'morals'. I am not there yet. I am myself, or at least I try to be. But most of you only like me when I am not me, when I come up and entertain you or when I make you happy. That is not me. I require a certain level of intimacy before your happiness becomes my priority. Most of the time, your happiness is none of my business.

I have been slacking out so much because being not-me is an easier alternative to survive in my given circumstance. Be 'two-faced', remember? I detest being a people pleaser by nature. Every time I tell myself "OK, this time I am doing it for myself", and the next moment I start doing what everybody expects of me.

Sit properly. Speak like a girl. Omg stop. Can you behave. Virginity is so darn important (fy, I know you're not one). Nudes are disgusting. Pls, Crystal, gays are gross.
If I ever compile all the things that people say to me to make me conform, you will be disgusted. 

Ironically, I feel more 'tied down' with friends than with H. I feel the need to conform. I feel the need to alter myself, my mind, to your level. It's exhausting. Very unfortunately, I do not have the luxury of time to come up with better points to support my argument, so I will just leave it as it is. My purpose to write is to feel better anyway.

"People only like you for the facade you put up" - I think this is a brilliant insult. You are liked, worshipped even, because you are not you. 

BBD

I never liked mandarin. I like to think that I can spend my entire life communicating in English. If I were to go to any JC of my choice (despite of my score LOL), I think I'd pick AC???

Look at me now, listening to Jay chou even without your 'supervision', TEACHING conversational mandarin to this little cutie pie next door with you and singing chinese songs with you when we go to Teo Heng. Although we still converse mainly in English, I think it is kind of cool how I pick up so much from you and you from me. Every time I listen to a Chinese song, I think of you.

Go,

Spent too long worrying about the ghost of your song.
All I ever did was just vibe along.
Spent too many days being in your palms.
All I ever wanted was just to have fun.

As of this moment,
I want to let go, be free, and be happy.

Gratitude

Sometimes I forget how lucky I am.

How well do we know each other

[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zUYJNIDBCuc]

It is out!!!!!!!!! We used a camera this time and had really good lighting, I hope you enjoyed it as much as we do.

Truth

I actually wrote a personal entry about what is happening in my life, but upon much consideration, I decided it is best just kept between Honwee and I. 1) You are truly only here for entertainment and I do not wish to dampen your mood 2) you are not up for it, you are not ready for the truth 3) you do not, and will not understand the situation I am in, its very easy to say "oh... like that only" and "I also what, but I...." 4) I do not want your pity

I am glad that after several months of struggle, I am in a better position now. I stopped letting bad things happen and I stopped thinking about bad things but focus only on what I want. Thoughts become things. I am aware, and I am very thankful for Honwee's zeal, curiosity and faith in the littlest things. If not for you, we would not have even read the book I bought you. The book is life changing, it is still re-adjusting me as I speak. The secret is the truth, and there will not be any without you.

Birth

I am so ardently in love with this piece of time teller. I love it, more so when the love of my life picked it. In fact, I am so obsessed with it that I could not bear to wear it out. I do not want it to be affected by the effect of wear and tear. I want it to stay the same, to remind me that I am loved in every way. My birthday was a few days ago and H & G made it a really special one.

When you can truly feel happiness through the forms of simplicity, like having one single voice gently singing out "Happy Birthday" to you, then can you understand how "simplicity is bliss".



It was the best celebration, yet.

Thank you, you know what you have done for me. 

Something for you

I want to weep every time I think about one day we are still going to have to live without each other, be it in death or break-up. I cannot even fathom another soul tolerating the little princess you know I am. The way you care for me is beyond any ordinary boyfriend. I do not think that words can express fully just how great you are. If best boyfriend award exist, you'd win. Hands down.

I do not think I am able to love another again. Happy new year, love.

2014

29th DecemberI went to Adventure Cove with M, H and their cousins. Honwee and Minhui are the people I love hanging out with The MOST. So grateful to be able to slip into Koh's family and mingle around, feels like I am given another chance to experience how having a family would be like. I love, love Honwee's sister and I wish someday, somebody would love her like I do. That would be nice. It doesn't have to be soon, but it has to be golden. I felt that I come to know many of cousins for the first time again (because this time annoyingmungo cannot disturb H and I and make it awkward for us to interact with his other cousins), and I like them all. It felt right to be just me because they laughed so hard at my silly jokes. They made it alright to goof around with M and H.





30th December
Since our camping trip failed us, terribly I might add, we set ourselves up for a staycation at Studio M. We were surprise to find out truly how small 22 sqm is. Nonetheless, it was great. We swam, watched movies and ate lots and lots of midnight snacks. We could barely stay up / wake up because sleeping in their queen size bed felt so good.





31st December
Idle kids at their most candid moment. Maybe except George, he seemed photo-ready. Spent a good amount of time idling around, Shannon shared with me her JC experience, how it was to feel disappointed in yourself. I liked it. She was very human about it and very relatable in every sense. I ruined quite a fair bit of 2015 for them I guess because I had to throw up quite badly from squeezing through the mad crowd. I remember running to the toilet when everybody was going "10...9...8" I saw the fireworks for a fair bit while running to the toilet, so I guess its safe to say that I didn't spent my first few moments of 2015 in the toilet. The next day when everybody sung their hearts out at TH, I snoozed it off. I have weird genre preferences and sometimes only H would sing those songs with me.

****************************************************************************

Fresh year, new beginnings. As much as I like to start anew, there are a few lessons that I think will be relatable for a few of you. So there are 5 things I learnt in 2014.

1. There are many, many ways to success.


2. Be 'two-faced'. I know, I know. It sounds bad but admit it, most people loves a 'two-faced' person despite how much they claim they hate it. There are just too much drama to deal with being a real, honest person and some people are just not worth the real deal.


3. When you said you are going to cut somebody out of your life. Cut. Them. Out. No matter how sweet and forgivable they sound, remember the best food gives you the most calories.


4. Some times, all you need is time and a little slogging to pull through everything.


5. Do not tell people everything about yourself. Books do not put their content on the cover.

That is all! H and I did a 'How well do we know each other challenge' and that would be out..... soon!