I went for dance audition today (again, after an entire year). I don't understand why I keep putting myself through this torture. I was a bag of nerves, I think I rehearsed alright but when I had to 'perform' my mind went blank. The silence was louder than the music. I could barely hear the tune. But I guess this is the point – if I wasn't scared then I should not be pursuing dance at all. I am too old to settle for mediocracy; too old to settle for a 'hobby' that doesn't churn my stomach.
This standstill is hard to take, and I guess there are many more of this from where it came from. The wait is always the hardest. It keeps you up all night and leaves you empty at a certain point. I just feel that I should share this with you today because... I don't always get what I want. That's the truth for many of us. But one day I will, and that is still the truth for all of us.
Regardless of the result I will still dance and one day I hope I can be pretty good at it.
Be kind to yourself. c.t.