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New shoes + casual update

Monday, July 6, 2015

Sings ‘Pumped Up Kicks’ //

Yay new shoes arrived today, the shoe box was in a perfect shade of blue that I love. All is well, although  I am not very fond of the new found work load. I’ve really learnt a lot, but I couldn’t find it in my heart to appreciate it? Abandoned the plan of date Sunday so I could at least be done with the tutorials next week.

Dance practice is actually taking up a lot of time/energy, but every Saturday after Clarice’s class I feel my passion renewed. I didn’t really learn her chereo because juniors learn a different set completely, but those physical trainings/exercises we do in class before separating makes it worthwhile.

I strive to cope better in school this week after that long, long break from school (break + off campus week). And Hon wee, if you’re reading this (oh, you better be)– I love you!
c.t. //


Saturday, July 4, 2015

Every time I look at your picture, I am very tormented by how little time I am spending with you. When the universe and my thoughts align, I am wishing for things to run smoothly, so I can have more than just little brackets of time to spend with you and Hon wee every day.

For now, I will cherish the moments at 3 a.m. whereby I can look at your body rise and fall with your breathing.

Time to conspire to my favour, universe.
c.t. //

Happy birthday!

Happy birthday Nikki (and belated birthday to Nicole)!! Thank you to the three of you for making my tertiary education a little more bearable. I don’t know if you all will ever wander here, but if you do... I love you all and our hyena laughters.

c.t. //


Wednesday, July 1, 2015

I was just reading a friend’s social media (evidence of procrastination, this is bad, Tiger Dad is going to be very disappointed **inside joke) and it struck me just how real that person is (let’s name the person, Bobby). This form of real rawness really comes out of being adorable AND blunt. Honey, you can’t have one but not the other. If you like EVERYTHING you hear from a person chances are 1) You are 100% perfect 2) your friend is not being true with you. I guessing that we all fall into the latter.

People refrain from doing or speaking about things which upsets another. Like my mother once told me “just because it is the ‘truth’ doesn’t mean people will accept it”. 

To be really honest, I did not immediately come to a consensus of whether I liked the Bobby as a person or not. However the people in our social circle were more skewed towards the negative side. They don’t hate Bobby, they just didn’t really like how Bobby talked about a certain things. It didn’t matter to me at that point of time because I just knew Bobby and I know that Bobby is going to stay in this social setting for a really, really long time. 

I have a friend from secondary school who likes it when people are ‘real’ with her, and I learned a great deal from that. I remember looking for friends who were able to vibe along with me; but the moment we lose our vibe, we lose our connection. The moment things get tough, we surrender. I always leave friendships thinking if I am the one the caused the whole problem. No, I kid, most of the times I think my friend is the problem. IT WAS NEVER ME. Bad mentality I had when I was younger.  I’ll leave that for another day.

Slowly as time goes by, I started to know Bobby a little more. I do not take offence in the things that he say, at all. Deep down, I know whatever Bobby has to say is rooted to something – a belief, an idea or an understanding. Just because it is wrong, doesn’t mean that Bobby is bad. Just means that he has a misconception on something. It is a lot easier to communicate with Bobby because we all know that Bobby is being honest/real. There is nothing he wants to sugar coat and manipulate to his own advantage. What’s the word... hidden agenda? Yes, Bobby has no hidden agenda. And I guess our group of friends are more appreciative of Bobby right now. Unless you are telling me that you actually like people who likes to keep a front/rep/fake public persona then yeah.... go ahead.

I have no idea just how many friends I let go because I did not form a liking immediately, how many ‘real’ friends I actually threw out because I wasn’t comfortable with the way they address a certain issue. All I am saying now is that being honest and real with another being requires a lot of effort and courage, and should be perceived as an attractive quality in both partners and friends.

It truly is, and I am trying every waking day to be as real and honest as I possibly can. It is not because “Crystal don’t care one”, I do. I care a for a huge deal, but the moment I let the idea that I need to behave a certain way to be socially accepted, I lose a big part of my personality. What is the point of having a reputation of being classy/sassy/nice when it is not you. If you put up a front and gets 100 suitors, you need to remind yourself that they only like you for who you pretend to be. I can be myself all day and all I need is that one boy, with his fluffy hair to tell me that I am adorable. That’s the greatest.

c.t. //

Casual Update!

Today I learnt that some day, somebody is going to notice that I actually put in a lot of effort in the littlest things I do. And when that day it happens, I’ll learn to accept the compliment. Weird fitting room selfie to compensate the grave yard of my unspoken thoughts. 

I initially planned on an entry on LGBT like the one I posted on my dayre but... I realise it is quite stupid to keep harping on somebody’s response. I simply feel that people should be able to do what they want to do so long as they do not harm each other. I am not asking for support, merely hoping people have bigger hearts to permit things that are ‘unnatural’ to them. It takes time, I guess, to accept others. We are too used to rejecting the different one. Which is honestly a mistake that occur all too often.  

Keeping a really positive outlook on life, school and relationships which is doing me a lot of good as of right now. Sometimes all I need to do is shut up. I haven’t read for the longest time ever? Does HR books count because I think I have read a few of them already. I stopped drawing altogether because I thought my drawings are really ugly and couldn’t bring myself to start on anything. I apologise for this barrage of unorganised thought bubbles, I need to strike a better time management. 

Hon wee just told me that we are bring pooch to swim this Sunday (haha cuz I read Jessie’s dayre and xiaobai looks so happy?!?!?!) so yay to that, maybe new bright happy photos coming your way? I can’t wait to meet the hyena girls this Friday to ‘break fast’ at Geylang! I’d post pictures for that too, but it would most probably be blurry and dark. 

c.t. //