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Things that made me really happy

Thursday, December 31, 2015
In no order of preferences, here are 8 moments when I know that 2015 is a good year: 

1. Starting the year with my countdown buddies 

Like I mentioned on my dayre, these are my favourite bunch of people out of all of Honwee’s friends. Going for my third countdown with them, and I like everybody so much. I’ve grown so close to Shannon ever since she came up and opened herself up about studies, and personal expectations. She taught me many lessons, many of which involves self-love and acceptance. I love her dearly and always tell her that we are our own girlfriend sorority club. Awaiting new members, yup! The count hasn’t gone up ever since its us. *inserts poker face* WHICH I DON’T KNOW WHY, cuz they are all very sweet, gentlemen. Thanks for making so many things happen for me (like halloweenhorrornighthehehehe) 

2. Another year with Cocoa 

I’ve been quite busy with school and life, and I am seldom home. My mum is pretty busy herself too! So we actually grown quite distant from each other. Cocoa is the only reason why we talk anymore. It was a great day being able to sit around with my mother and Cocoa doing nothing. We both love Cocoa and... I guess you can see why. I am genuinely very thankful for every single day that it granted to me to be able to spend the time with my dog. 

3. Spending special occasions with Honwee’s family. 

We meet up a few times a year and I am always so excited to meet them because they are usually game for most of the things *recalls lemon forfeit* Honwee’s uncle taught me a bit about photography, Honwee’s parents inviting me along to their big dinners, good food all the time. And they are very accepting even when I was running to them, crying on the first day of chinese new year because my family wasn’t free, ya la I know very spoilt like that also cry. I never really needed to explain anything, they just brought me along with them all through out chinese new year.

4. Stepping out of comfort zone 

Auditioned for TPDE in 2014, got rejected. Hence when the new year dawn, I immediately went to take classes at Oschool! Stepping out of comfort zone suck and rock at the same time. It is bittersweet. Clarice is a great instructor so I loved every session at Oschool, and I think I improve a little bit through the course. Which will bring me to point 5... 

5. Getting into TPDE

Everything happened so quickly, I thought all I was going to do was attend class. However all freshies MUST participate in ‘Oomph’ – freshie showcase. SO there goes all my time spending with the modern niggas, or more commonly known as The Porcelain Youth!! We have a lot of cross overs and experienced dancers... and then, there is me. *photoshop my face into potato* 

ok wait, I am going to actually do that. 

I am very blessed to have dedicated choreographers, insanely and immensely talented friends. I had one of the best time being out of my comfort zone. Which brings me to point 6. 

6. Oomph

You know we actually won runner-up? HOW?! MAYBE CUZ I ALL THE WAY AT THE BACK, SO THEY CAN’T SEE ME HEHE. We didn’t expect ourselves to win b/c everybody was great. We were too busy bawling over the fact that we might not be able to dance on the same stage anymore. It was a touching moment. Our choreographer was the MC so she saw the results way before anybody else. Imagine how hard it was for her to keep a poker face. 

My family and friends came down to support me too T___T 
One of my biggest wish was for my mum to come down b/c when I dance this piece it’s a lot about her. It was really difficult to contain myself when everything ended and I had to take pictures of her. I believe I just sobbed through the photo taking, quite evidently despite my red face. Surprisingly nobody brought it up, but I know they all saw la. SO OBV. 

7. Keeping my friends and close friends next to me

Thanks for taking in all my b/s especially all my close friends who can take my level of insults. Y'all the best cuz I can be really direct and insensitive 24/7. You all should know who you are!! 

8. Spending another year with Honwee. 

I never really had to courage to post this picture up because I like to keep our r/s PG. PDA is not really our thing. Um.. yeah. BUT I LOVE THIS PICTURE? So romantic. Anyhow, our r/s is still in a great place. There are times where we felt that our spark died, but I will always remind myself that r/s takes effort. Self-control but tonnes and tonnes of effort. I am trying to be honest here, I don’t want to paint this giant happy picture of Honwee and I when we are but an ordinary couple. Honwee is a fantastic boyfriend. He is respectful and tolerant. Every time I feel like this is taking up too much work, I remind myself that. It is going to be the same in every r/s. It’s very easy to stop putting in effort. Even Honwee mentioned that there are times where he felt that I wasn’t giving in effort. For all the small and big huddles we overcome.. I am proud of us. Thank you for still choosing me after all the bitching that you have to tolerate. I will always choose you. 


Monday, December 28, 2015

In any case if you’re extremely annoyed with my golden locks, just to let you know that I have them dyed away! My stylist says its ash grey now with a tinge of green. She also set in a really strong brown base for me so it doesn’t go back to that gross bright yellow bleached ends as I had. Loving it so far, I feel like I can conquer the world. 

Adventure Week

I think this is the most overused term when I am out with Honwee for a week straight, but I like the ideas of adventure. Even if its in your own city.

Day 1 – Ice-skating 

Unfortunately for you, I do not have any pictorial evidence of me wobbling in skates. Verdict: It was fun while it lasted. I was exhausted, and Honwee had a great time laughing at me. We silently (and shamelessly) challenged this other couple who were in the rink. Our goal was simply to overtake them as many times as we could, in spite of the fact that they seem to both be okay with ice-skating while there I was shaking and wobbling. It was distasteful and childish, but I loved every bit of it.

It quite amusing to know that there are actually things that we haven’t done together although we have been out together often, as friends and lovers, for the past three years? Swopping my usual shopping for something more of Honwee’s level was surprisingly refreshing and I haven’t seen Honwee laugh like that for awhile!

Day 2 – the cat cafe

Kudos to Honwee for hunting down this place for me!! All my friends know that I am helplessly in love with animals. So much so I think it is one of my weaknesses. Honwee never saw it as a weakness, I supposed he just thought that I am kind hearted. I guess by now he knows that the kindness it purely reserved for animals, I am real douchy when with human beings. 

I know it’s a cringe-worthy section for cat-haters, but LOOK AT THOSE EYES. How charming and innocent at the same time. I am so grateful that Honwee are okay with animals, he was not very fond of Cocoa initially and I was quite put off by it. Thankfully, he fell in love with Cocoa and wouldn’t stop kidnapping her from meeeeee!!

He has also agreed to let me keep dogs, cats and whatever I want in the future. Yay to that!!

Adventure day 3 – chill 

 we took a break on day three and laze our day away watching Point Break and eating bingsu.

Adventure day 4 – Zoo
It was the most impromptu adventure day as I casually suggested to my step mum that we could all go to the Zoo and so we did!!

Honwee and I mostly felt like a helper the entire time. We were carrying bags, pushing trolly and planning out the route because Princess Ashley demands to be carried by mummy all the time. Also, we didn’t want to tire out Stephy since caring for a kid can be really demanding. 

Ashley hasn’t seen much of the world yet. She has been really snug in her comfort zone (her house), she is basically terrified of everything. Everything including Honwee, random animal statues and me. ME *inserts angry emoji*  

When she’s not whining and demanding for things, she can be quite an angel. I mean just look.. 

Mmm, I looked very intense here because she pulled the goldie’s fur.

Adventure day 5 – Papa Koh’s birthday celebration @ Haidilao 

I was invited to join the family for dinner at Haidilao, I love dinners with the Kohs because 1) I don’t have to pay (yayyy) and 2) I love family dinners. They always talk over dinners and order interesting dishes. I didn’t really know that family dinners was supposed to be like this because in my family, when we eat, we eat. Boring, but I guess every family has their own traditions. 

Adventure day 6 – Partyworld

On the sixth day, I met Rai (insert gazillion heart emojis) and Honwee came to third wheel us. I lost my voice due to excessive karaoke and at the last hour of our k-session I had to give the mic to them and get them to go on without me.

After 7 years, I am still in the friend zone with Rai. She no give chance.. really. 

Adventure day 7 – sick 

Now we all know why God took a rest on the seventh day, b/c he was tired to the bones! Following the k-session that caused me my voice, I was down with raging fever and had to stay at home the entire day. Honwee carefully nursed me and entertained himself while I was zonked out. It was a very sad ending for our adventure week because I wanted to do so many more things, I would like to go camping, have picnics and go to the beach. Anyhow, I am still very appreciative of this ‘happening’ week. It felt like we were dating again. 

I hope this has been as interesting to you as it has been for me! Till another day, c.t. 


Wednesday, December 23, 2015

Let people learn from what you set out to do. Even in the smallest things, commit. You don’t know the kind of strength that is vested in you. I read a friend’s personal blog about her pursuing what I never thought she would pursue. Not to make money or be great at it. She religiously practice it because she loves it. I admire her, and it reminded me for all my forsaken dreams. So here I am typing in the dark, reminding you to chase yours.  

How did we get together?

Tuesday, December 22, 2015
Kids, I am going to tell you an incredible story; the story of how I met Honwee.

BUT YES, this is for that anon who waited 30 days for his/her question to be answered!!! Crystal is inefficient af. 我知道 (I know). I have actually recounted the story numerous time on different occasion, and of course there is Honwee’s version of how we met, on his perspectives and why he did certain things, but too bad Honwee is not very verbal, he doesn’t have a blog, doesn’t see his notifications for fb, twitter yadayada. So here is Crystal’s perspective!!!

The Crowning of Eyecandy 
Believe it or not, we met at McDonald’s. Jeng jeng jeng, all the romance down the drain. ANYHOW, I was not looking for a relationship at that point of time. Truth is, I had a crush on somebody else. I didn’t want anybody to know. So when I was studying with this friend at McDonald’s this topic came up and I tried to bullshit my way through by pointing to the first random guy that walked into McDonald’s. That person was, erm, Honwee. So I pretended to be very attracted to Honwee. Sorry to pop your bubbles guys, it was not love at first sight. It was nothing romantic actually, I only found him cute after awhile.

This is how he probably looked like then. I know... that helmet hair... ANYWAY, I saw him a couple times later. He was always studying alone and I was almost always with my friends when we studied at McDonald’s so I thought.. he must be really cool and aloof. Which is kinda my type. Don’t judge ok, Derek Hale is an alpha male, cool and aloof, and I like to believe that he stole many hearts in the series ‘Teen Wolf’. I digress, I continue to bump into him a few more times at McDonald's before I decided that this cute guy is going to be my eye candy. Some of my secondary school friends still call him the McDonald’s boy.

Befriending.. virtually. 
SO one day, I wanted to tell this close girl friend about Honwee’s existence but she was always with Xi hong. They are both my secondary school friend, but I have zero intention to let XH know anything, cuz boyzzzz what do they know. 

Anyhow, Honwee walked in one faithful day when three of us (girl friend, xihong and I) were studying together. I immediately texted my girl friend to alert her and at this moment guess what happened???? XI HONG CALLED OUT TO HONWEE. Apparently they were primary school friends. Small world, btw xihong is demanding me to put his picture up if we ever got married LOL. 

Along the way Xi hong found out that I EC-ed Honwee, turns out he was nothing but tactful. I swallow back everything I said I knew about boys. He comforted me when times weren’t good and gave a lot of advises mostly to protect me from getting hurt. Aww friendships like this for the winnnnn. Since Xi hong and Hon wee knew each other he introduced hon wee to us. I went to follow Honwee on twitter b/c my balls... is non-existence, literally. We studied together with Xihong and girl friend a couple times, never really alone or anything. Just.. a group lor. I didn’t have the balls to talk to him either, cuz it’s so real now. MY EC IS MY FRIEND. It was all I asked for. 

It was all good, but I don’t like it that I was losing focus on my O level’s (pfffft), so I decided that one day I will head out to study. I went to Novena’s Starbucks to mug for chemistry, I told myself I can reward myself with burger king for staying away from McDonald’s. GUESS WHAT HAPPENED LEH? When I went to claim my reward, I saw Honwee... with another girl. We made eye contact but wasn’t sure if we should acknowledge each other or anything b/c technically.. we haven’t spoke to each other right??? While I was about to leave, I wanted to at least wave, but he never made eye contact with me. He looked at her like she was everything to him. That cool and aloof guy I knew actually has fire. Half of my heart knew that she was more than just a friend, half of my heart told me that he is just an eye candy. And my brain is telling me about covalent bonds. I went on to study for a good hour at Starbucks. Nothing productive, just wondering who she might be and why hasn’t she studied with him at all at McDonald’s. Um... so now you know ah, Hon wee my science B3 is kinda your fault. 

At some point of time I could not take in anymore, so I left starbucks earlier than I was supposed to. When I reached home, I was tormented with guilt for losing focus YET AGAIN to this boy who meant nothing. So I went back to McDonald’s to study again. No prize to guess who I met AGAIN. I said “hi” this time, I asked him to help me chope seats if there was any since it was crowded. Which he did. I didn’t think about the incident in the afternoon anymore, I studied. Somehow we went home together that night. He called me a pig after exchanging a few lines  -_____-  he says it was to break the ice la, but whatever la, offensive! If he tell me that now, I am going to tell him to f off. We twitter dm-ed for a bit afterwards. It felt greattttt, I am starting to like this guy. I completely forget about everything that happened before. 

The same night, he dm-ed me to tell me that he already has a girlfriend. The girl I saw, she was his girlfriend. He was attached. I like to think that I played it cool, like it doesn’t matter but according to Honwee I did a terrible job. I went to tell Xi hong T____T and he comforted me throughout the time. We still study together, but I abandoned any ideas I initially had.

Which brings me to a point.. I know how it feels like to have your bf cheat on you. That’s whole ’nother story which I will not elaborate on. It was the kind of darkness that you cannot walk out from. I would not even wish it on my worst enemy let alone another girl I barely know. At this point of time, he knew that I like him and I know he doesn’t like me anymore than a close friend. I’ve already accepted the fate and I dare say there was nothing flirty going on. Whatever we talked about in real life, or in convos can be displayed to the public. There was no “I miss you”, “ I love you” or anything of sort. I respected their r/s. Xihong also told me if Honwee were to break up with his then gf just to be with me, he told me to run. Run as far as I can because if he does that, he is no good. I agreed.

We were good friends for a really long time. We played basketball the cup corn version, and I introduced him to the good food at yellow rooftop and he would help me with my revision for olevels. We would talk until really late and he will miss his last bus. Sometimes he would tell me about his girlfriend, and I would listen. Sometimes I will tell him about my exes and he would listen. He is a good listener, and I talk a lot. That’s why we were close, I guess? If I see a cute guy, sometimes he would try to help me see if the guy was tall enough by trying to walk pass him. HAHAHA, it was fun. I was really into the Darren Wong kinda dude, still am, so there was this heartthrob with the 坏男孩 (naughty boy) feels. He frequents McDonald’s as well, and every time he comes around Honwee would inform me. I didn’t LIKE that guy la, I just thought that he was quite cute. I had the rights ok, I was single. 

Around three months into our friendship, Honwee was going for his J1 holidays and I was happy for him so I casually told him “yay can finally accompany your gf already”. She was very busy, somehow, so they seldom spend time together, holidays were their best opportunity. And he replied: “we broke up”. He teared la, I saw. I know I should have been like “YAYYYYYYYY come come cry on my shoulder” *i tell this funnier version when my friends ask me face-to-face*, but at that point of time, I felt really sad for him. He was my best friend. And when you see your best friend break up with their partner, you can’t help but feel sad. I felt really bad for bringing it up. That night when I went home, I felt terrible. There was nothing I could say to make him feel better, I know. I tried to comfort him by telling him that if the r/s was true it will always come around. GUESS WHAT THAT DOUCHEBAG SAY? “Even if I break up with her, I will never love you”. 

It was the least of my concern, but when he said that I flipped. 

Don’t doubt my friendship ok, fk you. I didn’t rage at him. I was just really pissed he said that. But after all the commotion, I was sad because walao why so harsh one you. I am your friend leh!! I love telling this part b/c whenever I do, I will glare at Honwee and he will be like “AIYA OVER SO LONG LIAO!!!!!” sometimes for the fun of it I will repeat it into his ears “I will never love you”x100. 

Friends, but closer 
For the remaining months to the end of 2012. We were even closer friends, we would go out for mini adventures and what not. My then best friend had some problems in her r/s and doesn’t see me that often anymore so he became my new best friend. It was around December 2012 when I was really confused with Honwee because he told me he doesn’t like me but he doesn’t act like it. We were play fighting once and somehow he ended up hugging me. What? what? what? what? what? what? Honwee what? I was VERY close to my guy friends and trust me when I say that what Honwee did was not what my other guy friends would have done. I was really shy and confused. WHAT IS HAPPENING TO THIS FRIENDSHIP? IS IT NOT FRIENDSHIP? What should I do? Run? Should I tell Honwee off? Should I draw a line? King of false hopes strikes again. 

In January, I confronted him. It was our first argument? He brought up a few points like he doesn’t want to use me as his rebound (ouch) and that he didn’t want to commit into something he wasn’t sure would last. So I told him, we could start dating. I didn’t know what the term was, I merely told him we could try it out. If it doesn’t work, it doesn’t work. We had an amazing time together, nothing changed actually, we were still best friends but now he would occasionally hold my hand or give me a peck. It was cute *insert starry eyes* 

I think it’s safe to say that we dated for half a year -___- before he asked me to be his girlfriend. 

I cried haha NO LA, it came as a complete surprise even though I have been anticipating it. Unfortunately, I was rushing for work that day, LOL! I was like “Aww.....”  *took sometime to read the letter and appreciate his gift and then okneedtogolebyebyeloveyoubeeb!! 

It took him half a year to decide that I wasn’t a rebound -______- Anyhow, he explained to me after we got together that he did like me, but he thought was all infatuation. He didn’t want to hurt me and so on. 

After being together, I found out that Honwee is nothing close to cool and aloof. Bummer. He is usually friendly and has close friends. Our relationship blossom into this disgusting compromisation. I am already used to Honwee farting, Honwee would sometimes check my armpits for hair, we’ve already established the fact that I am the lazy one. We are going to have 10 dogs. I have more guy friends than he has girl friends. There is this time of the month that I don’t listen to logic and for the entire time he can only regard me as queen. 

Two and a half years of being together, still very happy despite our gross behaviours. Of course behind our smiles, we do get moments where we are intensely upset with one another. Ultimately, we still hope that we will marry each other, because we can’t see ourselves with anyone else.

LONGASS STORY, I hope I didn’t bore you out. And I answered your question, anon. Love, C.t.

but I am not a writer

Sunday, December 13, 2015

I truly feel that not having a good English (or any language) foundation really does handicap a person. There is a trillion things I can tell you about Cocoa’s beauty and the only word I managed to come up with is “cute”. And it is evidently so when I write my report and I run out of conjunctions to use, anybody who reads my work can definitely tell that I have limited word vocabulary. Some days I just want to take one year off to read and just read.  

Szewee is 2.5

Saturday, December 12, 2015
A quick one before I hustle on,

we turned 2.5! 

We had our usual steak day as by tradition and Honwee brought me to watch 'The Good Dinosaur' (tear-jerk on several scenes, the lady beside me sobbed while Honwee dozed off). We had fun goofing around. I will write about how we met after I am done with my report, I promise! 

HONWEE IS HAVING A WEEK OFF, and I am having my holidays!!! Maybe, just maybe I will have more time to generate more content because I really do enjoy running this place even if nobody sees this. c.t.


Monday, December 7, 2015

I am struggling so bad, I need a week off my responsibilities. Free me of my panic attacks and nervous breakdown. I am starting to feel like a weakling, and with each crumble the allure of death intensifies. How do I better cope with this again?

Takes time.

Give me time.


Thursday, December 3, 2015
I think I have been too long a hiatus so... here is a short follow up on what happened in November:

The Porcelain Youth was selected to perform for Blackbox Recital, we were incredibly lucky to be able to perform again. Also... having our instructor left us one day before our recital. I came home and bawled, pushing everybody including H.w. away. It was a really sad experience for me.

One of the biggest event was... colouring my hair? And if you asked me what colour it is, I can’t answer you. I gave my stylist a picture and he did this colour. It was not exactly what I wanted, but H.w. likes it so I guess its still nice? 

Other than that, I am moving in to Punggol *yay*.

This is “my space”, my bed would be right next to the window and we are going to add a room divider so I get a little more privacy. I was quite apprehensive about moving to Punggol (not that I had a choice), but I am slowly beginning to fall in love with this place. The quaint place strokes the introvert in me *inserts dorky emoji*.

and then... INTERN ENDED!!

I prepared bags of edible yum-yums and in return they bought me a bunny from Jellycat, the texture is soooo soft. I wanted to pass it on to Ashley but decided to keep it for myself cuz ITS SO SOFT. Sorry ash, jiejie buy one for you next time.

I guess November feels rather eventful?

I actually have an askfm question about how Honwee and I met (and I love sharing this story because everything was purely out of coincidence) so I will be picking out a day to write about that as well!! Can’t wait. SEE YOU. c.t.