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Just One Yesterday,

Sunday, February 5, 2017

*hits replay all the damn time* 

TODAY IS BRAND NEW DAY, thundery showers in the morning had me sleeping like a baby and the new skies kept me bright and fluffy.... after a gazillion round of hysterical bawling. OKAY, I’m fluffy.

Morning visuals of fluffiness. Going for CNY gathering later, I am stoked!! More food, I am going there in red undies, see me rollin’ with them money. 

I WILL WRITE MORE. I WILL WRITE EVERY WHERE. I will write when I’m devastated, when I’m feeling fluffy. I will have visuals. I will document my life, and I will travel. Let’s all be happpppy. 



Saturday, February 4, 2017

Do you have any idea that even at 22, you are still just a child and you do not have to shoulder the entire weight of the world on your own?

I obviously don’t, my boss gathered a few things about me: 
  1. I absolutely detest crying in front of other people 
  2. I shut everybody out when I am sad 
  3. Basically, I just carry everything on my own shoulders 
I tried explaining the rationale behind the things I do, but I understand where she’s coming from. As insignificant as it seems, it is a concerning issue. She asked me a few questions that I couldn’t answer. 

“Why is crying in front of people bad?” 
“Does solitude really help?” 

On my birthday, my father unintentionally tore down my ‘I-am-okay’ facade right down to its roots. Although he hasn’t seen me cry in years, he’s natural instincts were to cradle me tight whilst I very silently tear. He bombarded me incoherently with advises from career, to life, to love, not knowing which was the cause of his strong, independent daughter’s tears. My refusal to speak did nothing to aid him. I shut him out. And then he told me in mandarin, “seeing you like this really breaks my heart”. I continued crying. 

Now, a few days later (and stronger), it really made me think... my inability to handle my pain cast a lot of people out of my life. Not only did I shut them out, I push and threw them away regardless of what they think. I hurt people. And like I always say, “your intentions don’t matter, if you have hurt people, you hurt them. You don’t have the rights to say that you didn’t”.