Hey it's Crysy,
I got a little upset the night before when I asked my friends out to meet them before I leave SG. I have such lovely groups of friends and I have been obsessively trying to reach out to everybody before I leave. 2 months is not a long time– there's only so many days I can squeeze to meet everybody. What I forget in this context is that, my friends, they all have their own lives to lead. After a few mismatched of scheduling, I got really dishearten. What made it worst was that their enthusiasm did not correspond to mine. I know how this sounds – incredibly and undesirably sensitive. You do not have to illustrate that in my ask.fm
Anyhow, since my mood's taken a little dipped yesternight, I stayed awhile longer at work and took the time to myself. I went to eat Aston's and have one entire bowl of bingsu on my own (yeah, I finished that). It was a luxury I felt that I deserve. Throughout my dinner date with myself, I kept asking one question: "What made me so important". What made me so important that I demand everybody to drop whatever they are doing just because I am leaving. Because I am funny? Because I feel like I am a great friend or was it because I feel like I have invested much in the friendships, I expect something in return? So then begs the question, if I did things only to expect reciprocations, do I really did it out of the goodwill of my heart? Do I really care about these friends?
I then realise, vested within me was an inflated sense of self-worth.
I feel important. Important enough to want friends to be excited about meeting me. And that's outrightly ridiculous. My distorted sense of reality made me unhappy. My perspective of how things should be made me sad. And this must go, because I like my happiness.
Nothing much to this post, just a documentation of thought-process, assessing why I react under certain circumstances and in general how to resolve it. Yesterday was a good night, I like to call nights like this, 'recalibration'.
Crysy out, catch you again!
I got a little upset the night before when I asked my friends out to meet them before I leave SG. I have such lovely groups of friends and I have been obsessively trying to reach out to everybody before I leave. 2 months is not a long time– there's only so many days I can squeeze to meet everybody. What I forget in this context is that, my friends, they all have their own lives to lead. After a few mismatched of scheduling, I got really dishearten. What made it worst was that their enthusiasm did not correspond to mine. I know how this sounds – incredibly and undesirably sensitive. You do not have to illustrate that in my ask.fm
Anyhow, since my mood's taken a little dipped yesternight, I stayed awhile longer at work and took the time to myself. I went to eat Aston's and have one entire bowl of bingsu on my own (yeah, I finished that). It was a luxury I felt that I deserve. Throughout my dinner date with myself, I kept asking one question: "What made me so important". What made me so important that I demand everybody to drop whatever they are doing just because I am leaving. Because I am funny? Because I feel like I am a great friend or was it because I feel like I have invested much in the friendships, I expect something in return? So then begs the question, if I did things only to expect reciprocations, do I really did it out of the goodwill of my heart? Do I really care about these friends?
I then realise, vested within me was an inflated sense of self-worth.
I feel important. Important enough to want friends to be excited about meeting me. And that's outrightly ridiculous. My distorted sense of reality made me unhappy. My perspective of how things should be made me sad. And this must go, because I like my happiness.
Nothing much to this post, just a documentation of thought-process, assessing why I react under certain circumstances and in general how to resolve it. Yesterday was a good night, I like to call nights like this, 'recalibration'.
Crysy out, catch you again!