Zeal

Her excitable voice was like melody in my head, 
I wanted to tell her that she has beautiful eyes. 

..but she was getting to the most important part of her speech.
"boys," her uttered, shyly looking away

She is the epitome of Youth, 
it says it in her long, luxurious hair
and her careless sweet smile. 

I wish she knew how special she is. 
For each vein that runs down her wrist,
is a line of fiery passion. 

It takes a man to be able to love this zeal. 

 

 

 

(pretty little mind, that's what you are to me)

Crystal the hapz

Photos from Cocoa's bath time, got my camera wet, STILL WORTH IT.

Here comes a busy weekend filled with activities. I am basically running all over Singapore today, but I am not complaining! All these makes me feel like my life is something worth living for. There is just so much productivity and accomplishment.

All would be perfect if I haven't been plagued by so many sleepless nights. Like, right now, I should be asleep and only wake up at 7am to rush off to school for an audition, but I am awake since 3am and I couldn't get back to bed. Probably too nervous for the audition. BUT STILL. H says I have very obvious dark eye circles now, which I always conceal before I step out house. *pout

Side note: I made many new friends in school this week (yay,) I hope I can settle in well, and hopefully find a close friend? *hehe am I asking for too much ah?

ENJOY YOUR WEEKEND GUYS, esp if you're in army cuz it's gonna be gone within a blink of an eye.

That escalated quickly

(picture from Tumblr)

It is merely the first week of school but I am experiencing full knock out while on the bus back home. I am really thankful for I have yet to be stomped for occupying more seats than I should.

There were many more things to be accomplished outside my school life, book an appointment for furball's shave down (aww no more fur), buy ink cartridge for the printer, shower my smelly melly furbz, schedule my time swee swee for the army boy and GET MY LIFE TOGETHER. Why am I so busy!!! SCHOOL JUST STARTED NO?

Let's not even get started with school, I am just confused half of the time. So am I suppose to do that quiz? Where is the quiz? Why do I not have that? How many more 'handbooks' do I have to purchase? Why no more 15 minutes grace? What if my driver dies while I am on my way to school? Can I eat lunch? I am suppose to do that???

Don't let our vibrant fashion fool you, poly is definitely not easy. At least not for a klutz like me.

My life only requires me to breathe, because living gets difficult all the time.

Can I just skip my entire day until the part whereby I get to speak to H, I don't think I can do another hour while remaining sane.

http://youtu.be/I-s70KwoSu4

One day, I want to be able to dance like this. *dreams

Anti-social 4 lyfe

I went to school on Monday like a gong dai dai (fool; only because it sounds cuter than kum gong. Brushing up my hokkien for Honwee's ahma, but idk why I learn all the 'bad words'). H laughed when I told him I ran out of class as quickly as my legs could carry me after it ended. Yes, guys, this is Crystal. Forever running away from awkward situations. Today, a new guy classmate smiled at me and I did what I do best. I immediately turned around without reciprocating his smile. I didn't choose the dao (Arrogant and haughty) life, the dao life chose me.

And I chose to take on an extra module this semester so I could focus better in Semester 2. I died after my first lecture, too much info. Help.

  

First day jitters

Uhm, mmm.. lengthy nerve-wrecking entry ahead.

Sometimes I forget how much you need me. It has been a refreshing 3 days keeping each other company. Although we don't speak, I know you'd appreciate all those times we lay side by side, skin to fur.

You are just a dog to many, but I learnt more from you than any human being. You understand when I say "no", some people in my life can NEVER understand what "no" means. "No, I already have a bf", "well you can have two". Ridiculous prick. My dog might actually be a better human than a lot of us.

If I could I wished you have a longer life span, stay with me forever furbz.

Oh, Marge..

To every parents / parents-to-be out there.... this is so important. You CANNOT underestimate the power of 'being there'. Do not ever, ever let your child be uncomfortable crying in front of you. No matter how old they are, let them know that mama / papa is here.

I know it is difficult to watch your kid cry and not be able to do anything, do it anyway, always let your child seek solace in you.

Even if it means breaking your own heart.

 

 

A dollar?

 

I think I like my shoulders, they make me feel like a woman. My mum's off day finally collided with my free-day so we had a few good moments at home before I decide to set out. I think I like the $1 incident best.

My mum was at the window when she suddenly told me "I dropped a dollar" in mandarin, and in mandarin a dollar is 一块 (yi kuai) or 一块钱 （yi kuai qian). I happily mistook it for a piece of cloth, which is 一块布 (yi kuai bu) in mandarin, because she said 一块 (yi kuai) without any specification. And it's only logical to conclude that she dropped a piece of clothing off while at the window. She ran down and came back up with the champion smile on her face when she revealed her one dollar coin. I asked her if that's all, and she replied "yep!" almost like a little school girl. I like watching my mum get excited over really trivial issues, she gives off this youthful vibe whenever she does that.

It is a rather uneventful day despite being out. I bought new water colours and brushes, I hope I can start painting soon, then again, I don't really know how to start because I never knew how to paint. Honwee loved the mini 'painting' I did for his birthday card tho, he says he like the card so much he wanted to bring it to camp, in the end, he decided not to because he didn't want to crumple it. I don't trust 100% of what he says because he is my bf. Even if I poop, he will tell me its art. His ways of protecting me is to make sure I'll never be hurt. Which is kind of sweet and sad at the same time, dear beeby, how then will I ever get to learn anything?

 

Today, I missed you a little lesser but I still talk about you to whoever is willing to listen. Will be seeing you in a day's time. x

Raining Monday

It is raining cats and dogs as predicted by H. I wonder how he is doing.. Soaked from head to toe in his number 4, heavy ass rifle and buddy. I attempted to get a shot of the rain without getting my camera drenched, only to be limited by my photography skills :( I wish I took nicer pictures, filters work wonders, so thankful for VSCO, I wouldn't know how to survive without it.

My wordpress browser isn't allowing me to upload any more pictures and I am pretty annoyed by how I have to write an entry on my phone. You just lose all the feels when you cannot feel your keyboard. Oh well. Here's to another quiet Monday accompanied by the rain.

I really want the rain to last all night, but I couldn't bear the thought of H braving this weather with his buddy. Not that I have any power to dictate the weather anyway. Have a good week y'all.

Youth @ 19

I love being 19, young enough to do be foolish, old enough to be entrusted with your own well-being. I can wear tight clothes and short shorts with adults brushing it off as "kids nowadays". I dread the age whereby people would stare at me crazy when I say I ate had McD's the entire week. I like how my face does not have to depend on tiny expensive glasses of bottles to retain my remarkable youthful face. I like the exploration, I like little adventures, I like that I do not have to conform to a certain type. Some days I'm a sweet young lady, the next day I rock this world so hard I bring Avril Lavigne to shame (I kid, bb I love you, you my princess forever).

I love being awake at 430 am writing entries. I don't want to grow up anymore, youth at 19 is priceless.

Floral x fauna

Visited the Botanical Gardens with Claudilocks yesterday, I didn't know it was so huge (and unbearably warm). We talked 90% of our time there, totally forgetting what we intend to do. It was really funny because I would demand Claudz to stand and pose and she would looked at me, surprised and say "can we take the picture together". Apparently she didn't know I was going to shoot her, and her only.





I feel like a 100% city girl when it comes to nature, I liked that I saw a pair of black swans and a lonely white swan, a few terrapins, squirrels and a puny rat. All I see at home is... Cocoa. Whom by the way IS camera-shy. Why can't everybody be like the little terrapin I saw.





It was an exhausting day, we walked for miles because I am lost most of the time. Yesterday went really well, and I am now looking forward to meet my best friend when he books out tomorrow from camp. :) have a good weekend, guys!

Oh oh I forgot to add in a picture of Claudia and I - the self proclaimed photog LOL





Okai, goodnight guys! *pecks forehead

Free Cone Day!

 

Yay, so I met clinger Yexin today, and had my free Toffee Crunch from B&J's! I saw a few caucasian kids playing next to us, so I decided to take pictures of them. Bad move. I got scolded by their mother many, many shots later. I would have asked for her approval if she wasn't so far away and unconcerned! She was so engrossed with her own conversation with another mother. I typed out an entry worth of rant just now but deleted them after that because I had a good talk with Honwee and I feel better now!

I caught Noah with Yx too, and felt really conflicted about God, leaving church etcetera. There was literally war, combusting in my head, I can feel it. I came to a peaceful conclusion (a good 30-45 minutes later) that I am only human, and as merciful as everybody says God to be, He would have known how I feel and why I made my decision. My job as of right now is to make sure I make as little 'human mistakes' as I can while on Earth. You can disagree with me, but this is between me and God.

********************************************

As Honwee is camp now, I've been out with a handful of people and some of the 'outings' turned out to be really awkward.... I guess I drifted away from certain people after a some time. Yx though, was a pleasant surprise, I think I actually had fun today? Not that she is a boring company in the past, but we never had a chance to go out with each other. It was really surprising how much fun we had just window shopping. There were times whereby we were just sitting there in total silence and I didn't feel the need to break that. Definitely want to go shop with her again next time! :)

I had a great day today, and am looking forward in meeting Claudia tomorrow!!

X

The previous entry wasn't done by me, it was obvly my emotions speaking. I'll leave it as it is thou cuz it's still kinda true.





Little peach refuses any shot today, so there we go, boring Monday, pfft. Really glad that yx asked me out tomorrow because we are getting ourselves some free B&J's!! Can't wait to meet up with my personal stage-5 clinger tomorrow, hoho.


And, I can't wait for H's field camp week because he is booking out a day earlier than usual. He promise to bring me out to play before my school starts. I have a very thoughtful bf..... and a lazy dog. >

Bestie

Believe them when they tell you army boys experience 90% chances of their girlfriend breaking up with them. Initially I thought to myself, "it can't be that bad you get to see your bf during the weekends, right?" I knew it wasn't easy, but I didn't expect it to be this hard? Weekends pass unforgivingly fast, I just fetched him out last Friday, why all of sudden I am sending him back in again? Where did all our time went to? I know all the singles reading this would feel that I am weak. I lived my life without H for 17 years, why can't I do it again? I want to tell you he is different, but I don't want to come off as being too cheesy.

I have so many things I want to tell him. When I witness a fashion disaster, I want to nudge H's arm and urge him to laugh with me. When I had the worst day ever, I want to call him and say "meet me at my house nowwwww" then sob relentlessly while he do nothing at all because he gets so busy sorting out his thoughts on what to do to make me happy. Sorrow when shared is divided, on the other hand, joy when shared is doubled. I miss having H going through the thick and thin with me. Even when I had the worst day, I knew I still have a shelter to hide under. Now I just feel like a floating plank from some wooden boat. Cold, alone and vulnerable.

We made it a point to replace our 'monthsary' with 'Steak Day', because we knew we'd be together for a very, very long period of time. I regret not treasuring 'Steak Day', not being more happy about having the freedom to eat with your loved one. I regret forgetting 'Steak Day' altogether and be all surprised when Honwee brings me to Astons.

I miss my bestie. :(
Beeb, I love you, I really really do.

Again, again

Little ray ray came over to Honwee's today, and although my favourite boy was down with fever he (being the bubbly 10 y/o he is) still managed to put on the brightest smile and sat next to me while I was attentively playing Space Team with H, and his sister. I offered to piggy back Rayray around the house, and we did, destroying (kicking lol) everybody in our way! He had a lot of fun and told me "again, again!!". I love little Ray when he giggles while 'flying' to every corner of the house. So adorable I want to give him a big hug. I think his fever would go down tonight because all those 'flying' around gave him a chance to perspire, providing an outlet for all the toxin occupying his little body. Today I'm the happiest person on Earth, I actually taupok-ed Minhui (Honwee's sister) with Honwee. Ahh, can't be any better! Wish every weekend could be like this. :)

 

Now, I just need to remember to take a picture when with little Ray. 

Year 1 at a glance

 

Perhaps a ranting entry, so skip if you wish!

 

About class:
Sixteen more days before Y2 starts (o m g), and I decided write about the more untold stories (my stories) about schooling in a polytechnic (disclaimer: it defers with individuals). 17 and hopeful, I went for orientation with much enthusiasm despite how badly organised the day 'camps' were. I was overwhelmed by how awkward everybody was. I think if you really want people to remember you, do really CRAZY stuff. I can vividly remember SH, an ex-classmate when asked to go convince a fire extinguisher to befriend him as a form of punishment, he said "who wouldn't want to be my friend?" Weird, but he definitely got my attention.

I was more outspoken and willing because I thought to myself if I started to be more 'fun', people would follow. Meh, didn't work for my class, but I guess initially people liked me. I was asked to be the class representative and it felt good. Soon, school begun. For some reason my class is divided by gender, LOL, I don't know why but I wasn't drawn towards befriend-ing any of the guys in class, they are cool but... they are not Damien, Gary, Zhixian, Bryan or Justin.

Just look at them, how cute.

Anyhow, I figured that the guys felt the same about the girls. So came Mid-Semester Test (MST) and I'm struggling to find The One Friend to be closer to. Perhaps I was too picky, or probably too arrogant? It didn't take the girls very long to have a 'favourite' friend to hang out with. I felt like an out-cast and was barely surviving in school, it wasn't like that when in Anderson. I always have a group that I can go sit with during recess period, and I was meticulously cared for by friends like ZK.

Then there was this period of time where my dad's grandma was admitted into the hospital, my dad was devastated telling me how she was the only person whom took great care of him when he was younger. My attention naturally skewed towards family matters, and there was this time my group asked of me to form a paragraph given 2 statistics informations. I did, however it was "not long enough". I told them I couldn't think of anything to 'crap' and make it longer. Not knowing about my family condition, they went ahead and did rest of the work themselves. Later that year, two of my members marked me down for my 'quality of work'. My tutor retained my marks after listening to my side of story, but I was mad. CRAZILY MAD. I hated them, I hated school and I couldn't stop crying. I rushed down to Honwee immediately and I couldn't walk 5 minutes with crying. I think I hit rock bottom, solid rock bottom. Actually it still upsets me when I think about it. :( :( :( how could you????

One day, I kept it in me for far too long, and quarrelled with them (my group), I was surprised by how angered I was. To their defence, they didn't know what was happening and naturally assumed I was out partying with my bf. Things never got better, I never wanted to group with the guys in class for classwork after that incident, but there were only 9 girls and most of them wanted to do their project work with the boys. During semester 2, I was abandoned a few times to group with people whom are considered 'black sheeps' of the class. No worries tho, still aced all my project work. *wink

It was bad. Really bad, the last few weeks of semester 2 I had to lie to the girls and tell them that I'm having lunch with another friend when actually I went somewhere in the corners of TP chewing on bread and whatnot. In TP business's canteen, 1 table only had 4 seats, and when I left, they can actually occupy only 2 tables and nobody had to sacrifice spending time with their favourite friend by sitting with me. I knew that people didn't favour me anymore, I was generally sad. I even had a tutor asking me if I was okay because I haven't been looking 'okay' for awhile now.

It is probably my fault that things turned out this way, maybe I was straight-up weirdo or that I have too much say in things I want to do. School work tho is not too demanding, I feel. I do not have too much problem with any of the subjects, it's not like Secondary School's History, Chemistry, or English, yes definitely not like O levels English. At least, for year 1?

I learnt that when doing project with people who are very demanding, just do your part and do it well. Let them organise anyhow they like, they can choose the fonts, the colour of the fonts whatsoever. It doesn't have to matter, let them do it their way. 30% of your grade might seem like a really huge matter to you but remember you still have control over 70% of your results. If you really don't think your project work is going to give you an A, start mugging. It doesn't matter if you do not have any opinion, they only mark down people who are not there or do have time to do their work.

About CCA: 
I joined a club, lol, something Studies Club. LOL. I really wanted to participate camps and all and be involved with school. It was all fun initially until....... I found out how weird people are? I think I am going to offend a handful of people but I feel that a lot of the people I know there are very attention seeking? Sorry. O wait, you can't apologise for your opinion so, not sorry. If you are from DPA and has a closer group that's fineeeee, you are the envy of all us freshmen who are barely surviving. However if you are not anybody and you be all flirty to 'get in' the clique, it is just downright weird. They friggin' wear dr marts for sub-com camp and throw themselves at boys. God, please, stop. I went for a few events and decided that I don't feel at home so I left. I didn't want to be all slutty and 'cute' to be 'in', not even if Honwee is okay with it.

About Poly as a whole: 
I think public relation is very important? I am still trying to find a way to befriend more people without having to stoop myself down to their level of 'befriend-ing'. Material possession can only bring you that far, I once assumed that if I had all the nice clothes (explains my exploding closet), people would like me. Neh, didn't work out like I hoped it did. Must be my bitch-resting face, or my personality :< ? Or both.

Then again, maybe it's just me.
I'm probably weird.

Little me

I was going through my twitter archive of my old acc and realised how young x foolish I was. Reminiscing how it used to be like waging a tweet/blog war with one of my closer friends. Our choice of words and meaningless bicker are hilarious. Here's a letter to my 14 years old self. (I actually have a picture of my pre-braces self!! SO BRACE YOURSELF - pun intended)



Dear 14 y/o Crystal,
your chinese name is difficult to pronouce, but it sounds great. No doubt 'Crystal' is a more comfortable name to go by. You will realise how special your name is when your bf's grandma calls you "zi yin". Don't ever give up trying to pronounce your name to a third party who does not speak in mandarin, it is difficult for them to even pronounce 小明－'xiao ming'.

Don't be ashamed for being tall, I know this is the phrase in time whereby you feel that you have to be smaller to match your crush's height, but I assure you, if he loves you as much as you do, he wouldn't mind dealing with his insecurities and date you. Although five years later, you will have issues with being 'too tall', but you no longer find a need to make yourself look shorter when taking pictures with a group of friends whose average height is 160cm. You'll learn in time that the pretty models you adore are around your height. You'll also learn that your height is one of the main reason you don't have to go through a lot of short-term relationships with everybody because I know you fall in love too damn easily.

Don't go looking for him, don't google their horoscope to find if it matches you. Silly girl, it is okay to be single! You had a lot of fun being single, you'll join the chingay parade twice and know friends that brighten up your life. And as your 17 y/o self would know, you don't have to find him, he walks right into your life.



Let go of people who hurts you, I know how daunting it is to face the uncertainty alone. Leave, because if he would lay his hands on you once, he is going to do it again. Love yourself enough to not be at somebody's finger tips, love yourself enough to walk away. It is not going to be easy but I promise you, when you do that, you'll find somebody whom will teach you how love is suppose to be. He will walk you through your toughest period in life, and you'll understand why none of your previous relationships didn't work out.

Don't ever cut bangs, it is not cute on you. Period.



You will meet special people later on in life which makes your world sparkle like stars you see in Bishan Park 4 years down the road, don't let them go, don't leave them on impulse, don't give up on them just because they haven't found themselves. They are build to perfection with flaws you love and hate. It is tempting to feel that they are "not perfect enough" to be your best friends, but they are, because you were never that perfect yourself.

Some point in your life... you make mistakes, don't beat yourself up for it. When you take up a part-time job, you'll realise it is all about correcting and learning from mistakes instead of feeling remorseful and apologetic. In this world, "sorry" does not make up for anything, it is just a confession for your mistakes, what is more important is that you make up for it. You break a cup, you buy a new one. That's it. "Sorry" doesn't fix a cup.

Cliche but true, always be yourself. Some people love you even though you're seen as the craziest bitch in the class. I can vouch for that, or at least yx can. Still so friggin' huggy although I practically rage the entire class.

Last but not least, love yourself. You have no idea how much it will mean to yourself. Love every inch of your skin, don't tear yourself open, don't bleed, don't starve, don't underestimate your capabilities. One day somebody will tell you that you can do well in O's and go for the poly course that you truly desire, believe him, because it will happen. Stop doubting yourself. I'm telling you now that 6 months before your O's you are going to fail Math, Science and Humanities, even on the easiest topics. But you will do well anyway. Trust yourself, child. You are going to need it.

Love,
5 years from now.